Reminds me of the time my friends and I got some rude looks from another table because we were daring to talk and laugh at our table in a lively restaurant environment. Us, adult women, enjoying one another's company. How dare.
We'd had a good amount to drink, so in response we played the Penis game, which is where you each take turns saying "Penis" louder and louder until someone looks. The first person to get a look wins. But really everyone's a winner in the Penis game.
When this has happened to me, I always get so mad that I did what they wanted instead of having some snappy comeback. Next time tell him that you aren't loud, you are just discerning, and it frustrates him that he can't control you.
"It’s that age old calculation I find myself having to constantly do math over: is someone having a bad day who might deserve a little grace or is someone a murderous incel entertaining criminal fantasies with the modern internet capability to track me down?" Ugh. Relatable. Here's a song this reminded me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF2C6KuN328
Love Elle King!! Learned she’s Rob Schneider’s daughter recently?? Also I’m very honored you subscribe, Chris! You’ve been such a valuable supporter of expressing through words and I thank you. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO WRITE, CHRIS IS A FANTASTIC TEACHER/COACH EVERYONE!
I’m a trans woman who has speaks a bit on the louder side. I grew up in a southern family of talkers, and the loudest voice was usually the one heard. Before transitioning when I was presenting male to the world, I was absolutely never shushed by a stranger. Since transitioning and looking for all the world to see like a woman, I have been asked to quiet down on multiple occasions. And girl, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You really, REALLY get to see the astounding difference in how how society treats men and women when you go from being perceived as a man to being seen as a woman. Men are certainly nicer to me, but also so much more condescending and patronizing. And I can say for a fact they don’t hesitate one second to tell a woman to be quiet when they wouldn’t have said a word to a man.
Thank you for sharing your incredibly valuable lived experience. There’s much to learn from your perspective and it’s validating too. We aren’t crazy! (We’re discerning and THERE’S A DIFFERENCE - podcast reference😂)
Oh I know the reference! I definitely can relate. And I love talking about my experiences because the difference is shocking and would be funny if it wasn’t so infuriating. Just a few more examples of the misogyny ingrained in our society: after I transitioned: My car insurance went up after my gender marker changed on my birth certificate; I was offered every job I interviewed before transitioning (I’m good at my job and good in a room), but I was passed over for men in at least four jobs before I was offered the wonderful job i have now; I was offered a new position by my former employer that would have actually cut my salary. I spent the first 10 years of my career as a journalist, and it shouldn’t surprise you that once I transitioned and began speaking in a more feminine tone, multiple viewers asked to speak with a man when I answered the tipline.
The list is essentially endless, and I one day would like to write something more substantial about the wild experiences and observations you see when you go from being treated as a white man to being treated as a woman. I do miss the privilege sometimes, but lord knows I’m a happier and better person now than I was before.
Apologies on the long comment! I guess really do need to be writing about it in a more formal manner rather than dropping 200 words in my favorite podcast’s comment section.
Brooke, THANK YOU for sharing these so-meaningful and riveting pieces of your life story with these astonishing details!
I hope you do write something substantial about these wild experiences. It's SO amazing and validating to hear about someone getting to witness and testify to the difference in treatment based on others' gender perception and biases, even though you have the same knowledge and ability, etc...
It feels very much like a "This American Life"-type story.
(btw if you do write about it-- plz put a link in this thread so i can read it!)
Aw, Heidi, this comment made me so happy! Having something I wrote read on This American Life is literally a dream of mine. You inspired me to write. If I ever start posting anywhere, I’ll definitely be talking about it on my instagram (brooke.r.atkinson).
janie! are you following the developments with Buster Murtaugh and the murder (and now exhumation) of that boy?!
Yes! I hope they solve his murder!!
yes!! I am happy they're pursuing it, yet angry that it took a media circus and a GoFundMe in order to seek justice for this boy!
i really need "DON'T JUST FLEE THE TROUBLES, ALSO TRY THERAPY!" on a t-shirt.
Reminds me of the time my friends and I got some rude looks from another table because we were daring to talk and laugh at our table in a lively restaurant environment. Us, adult women, enjoying one another's company. How dare.
We'd had a good amount to drink, so in response we played the Penis game, which is where you each take turns saying "Penis" louder and louder until someone looks. The first person to get a look wins. But really everyone's a winner in the Penis game.
When this has happened to me, I always get so mad that I did what they wanted instead of having some snappy comeback. Next time tell him that you aren't loud, you are just discerning, and it frustrates him that he can't control you.
Goddamn dudes suck, and I say this as one of them. Old dudes tend to suck especially hard. Sorry this happened Janie.
Infuriating! This is one of those things that would live rent free in my head for days, thinking of all the things I should have said to him.
I think there is a reason that this person was eating by himself.
lol
"It’s that age old calculation I find myself having to constantly do math over: is someone having a bad day who might deserve a little grace or is someone a murderous incel entertaining criminal fantasies with the modern internet capability to track me down?" Ugh. Relatable. Here's a song this reminded me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF2C6KuN328
Love Elle King!! Learned she’s Rob Schneider’s daughter recently?? Also I’m very honored you subscribe, Chris! You’ve been such a valuable supporter of expressing through words and I thank you. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO WRITE, CHRIS IS A FANTASTIC TEACHER/COACH EVERYONE!
Aw, thanks, Janie! That made my day. I love reading your posts. :-)
I’m a trans woman who has speaks a bit on the louder side. I grew up in a southern family of talkers, and the loudest voice was usually the one heard. Before transitioning when I was presenting male to the world, I was absolutely never shushed by a stranger. Since transitioning and looking for all the world to see like a woman, I have been asked to quiet down on multiple occasions. And girl, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You really, REALLY get to see the astounding difference in how how society treats men and women when you go from being perceived as a man to being seen as a woman. Men are certainly nicer to me, but also so much more condescending and patronizing. And I can say for a fact they don’t hesitate one second to tell a woman to be quiet when they wouldn’t have said a word to a man.
Thank you for sharing your incredibly valuable lived experience. There’s much to learn from your perspective and it’s validating too. We aren’t crazy! (We’re discerning and THERE’S A DIFFERENCE - podcast reference😂)
Oh I know the reference! I definitely can relate. And I love talking about my experiences because the difference is shocking and would be funny if it wasn’t so infuriating. Just a few more examples of the misogyny ingrained in our society: after I transitioned: My car insurance went up after my gender marker changed on my birth certificate; I was offered every job I interviewed before transitioning (I’m good at my job and good in a room), but I was passed over for men in at least four jobs before I was offered the wonderful job i have now; I was offered a new position by my former employer that would have actually cut my salary. I spent the first 10 years of my career as a journalist, and it shouldn’t surprise you that once I transitioned and began speaking in a more feminine tone, multiple viewers asked to speak with a man when I answered the tipline.
The list is essentially endless, and I one day would like to write something more substantial about the wild experiences and observations you see when you go from being treated as a white man to being treated as a woman. I do miss the privilege sometimes, but lord knows I’m a happier and better person now than I was before.
Apologies on the long comment! I guess really do need to be writing about it in a more formal manner rather than dropping 200 words in my favorite podcast’s comment section.
Brooke, THANK YOU for sharing these so-meaningful and riveting pieces of your life story with these astonishing details!
I hope you do write something substantial about these wild experiences. It's SO amazing and validating to hear about someone getting to witness and testify to the difference in treatment based on others' gender perception and biases, even though you have the same knowledge and ability, etc...
It feels very much like a "This American Life"-type story.
(btw if you do write about it-- plz put a link in this thread so i can read it!)
Aw, Heidi, this comment made me so happy! Having something I wrote read on This American Life is literally a dream of mine. You inspired me to write. If I ever start posting anywhere, I’ll definitely be talking about it on my instagram (brooke.r.atkinson).
The nerve...
Y’all are a lot kinder than I would’ve been 😂