A man shushed me and Kathryn...

...THE VERY DAY AFTER INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!

Hey Women, we had our one measly day, and we should be sooooooo happy and STFU about it.

Let’s Go Girls, INDEED.

Restaurants are noisy, I am no stranger to this concept. All the fun foodie places in Charleston, SC have a decibel PROBLEM. So, let’s just say I am sensitive to finding the quieter spots from frequent visits to Charleston, or say, NYC, to be able to converse without impediment. I get that.

There’s a breakfast cafe in Los Angeles in the Los Feliz neighborhood called Mustard Seed. It is rarely crowded, has great and friendly service and opens at 8am, which was a necessary caveat for one of my breakfast meetups with pal, Kathryn Borel. It’s also small and a little echo-ey. Tile floors, and all that jazz. (No jazz, in fact no music at all.)

KB’s not only my friend, but she’s also my neighbor and occasional collaborator on showbiz stuff. You may even listen to her 3 Minute Review podcast she does daily with Mike Merrill (which we’ve recommended on our Stay F. Homekins podcast, our podcasts are even pals!) In fact, they did a recent episode about this very episode! Me and KB share industry and life ups and downs. We are simpatico in our artistic and core values. (Also, she is maybe the smartest person I know on planet Earth and is an incredible writer.) We hang out a lot. We cheer each other on. We make each other laugh and have a lot of opinions on the bullshit. Kathryn’s also bursting at the seams with intellectual energy and talks with passion about every subject, possibly loudly, but last I checked that was still allowed. And, because you are probably a subscriber to this substack and have listened to me on my podcast; you know my voice is in a higher register at times (that is, if I am not consciously lowering it for affect.) Girly, I’ve heard. I possess a voice people have made fun of or mimicked to my face to feel, I guess, hilarious? But that’s a story for another time (and don’t feel pity for me because those are their issues, not mine.)

All this is to say… I guess SHRILL noises were being created from our lively (yet totally normal and legal) breakfast conversation this day after International Women’s Day. We were nearing the end of our meal and there was only one other patron in the cafe. He was eating solo and I’d guess in his 60s. I was facing him, but Kathryn’s back was to him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him plug his eardrums, as if he’d been kidnapped and deposited in the front row of a Metallica concert. The dramatic gesture was made as if his eardrums were about to burst blood, I sensed there was a physical pain to what he was trying to convey, because it was accompanied by his extreme wincing facial expression. Then, he proceeded to interrupt our conversation to inquire of us TO LOWER OUR VOICES. For him. Who sat down at least an hour after us. Just a reminder: this was in a cafe and not a library or an operating theater.

Kathryn INSTANTANEOUSLY said, “No problem, we were just leaving.” We instinctively bolted up, grabbed our belongings and went to complete our (now) interrupted conversation at one of the five still empty tables on the sidewalk, immediately in front of him, yet now separated by the glass picture window. He actually said thank you (with relief, to add insult to injury) to us as we LEFT the cafe. Kathryn pointed out to me how it was a clear misunderstanding on his part since he seemed to be thanking us for obeying his entitled order, rather than just escaping his egregiously downer energy. Not gonna lie. Dude was the very definition of a buzzkill.

I understand how hard it is to go out in public in 2023. We might get targeted by a mass shooter or reinfected with Covid or have to film a meltdown over an airplane seat with our smartphone. But, seriously? MEN CAN’T TOLERATE WOMEN TALKING? JUST NEAR THEM? IN A SPACE THEY CHOSE TO ENTER INTO?

Oh, that reminds me, I really loved the film WOMEN TALKING. Congratulations to the utterly brilliant writer and director Sarah Polley on her Oscar win, who is admittedly incredibly rad.

But I digress. This is about it being the day after International Women’s Day and there being 5 empty tables on the sidewalk this man could have chosen to relocate to instead of his default impulse to control women’s bodies/volume/presence/existence. Are women really that offensive when we take up any corner of public space? Don’t answer that since the answer is YES, YES seems we are. We’ve all witnessed the stupid and pointless culture wars. Guess they really are EMPOWERING this sense of entitlement for a not as small faction as I’d like type of person. Lord knows how his ilk feels emboldened to act to other targeted groups of these petty wars now that the pond scum in our culture have kept those ugly embers stoked.

Someone unprovoked was rude to me and my friend in public. And I don’t feel oppressed. I just feel how one feels when a stranger moves through space who’s been given license to be that kind of person. Which is bummed out and flustered. I think it’s just really INTERESTING, some men’s behaviors these days.

It’s that age old calculation I find myself having to constantly do math over: is someone having a bad day who might deserve a little grace or is someone a murderous incel entertaining criminal fantasies with the modern internet capability to track me down?

You know. THAT math ya gotta do. In broad daylight. BEFORE 10AM. In public.

Makes me feel like good ole Shakepeare’s Beatrice…

O, God that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace….I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.

That is, unless society grows a pair of some flipping common sense and manners?

I mean… we are all Emma Thompson here. I could’ve thrown that chair! (also it’s impossible to forget Kenneth Branagh cheated on Emma with Helena Bonham Carter, which is so sucky, but then, I guess I saw that autobiographical BELFAST movie Branagh made and generational trauma and all that….ugh! MEN, DON’T JUST FLEE THE TROUBLES, ALSO TRY THERAPY!)

Love you, Emma, you remain my QUEEEEEN, and may you never get shushed 👑