What’s the worst drought in the history of Earth...
...and did it rain through every minute of it?
Los Angeles is experiencing quite a soaking this winter. But, get this! We are ALSO apparently having the worst drought in the history of the entire universe since the very time water was created by the Goddess. Look. Climate change is nuts. But also, weather has historically brought violence onto mankind. So, I don’t know what to think or feel, but it is usually sunny in SoCal. Instead it is unusually cold (for here) and wet and kinda dreary. But it’s giving SEASONS.
Paul was hired to work on a STAR TREK cruise this week1. He flew to Mexico yesterday morning to hop on the ship. He sweetly invited me (and I miss him), but I opted not to go this time around. I have never been on a cruise, and I THINK I want try one someday? Basically, the germ thing isn’t so great for me. Hoping none of the passengers experience ANY viruses and they all experience peace and health. I love the ocean. I fear the ocean. Boats are magical. But also nausea inducing. I also don’t LOVE mingling with strangers without being able to vanish forever into a cloud of mystery after the interaction (like in Manhattan! or Paris!) BUT, there is a lot of romanticism to being on a ship. I imagine being on a cruise could be so elegant like that movie with Meryl Streep and Dianne Wiest and Candace Bergen (hoping I spelled all names properly, because I am too lazy to google). I liked that movie. But I also fear a boat trip reality more like the movie DEAD CALM with Nicole Kidman. Which was NOT fun or romantic, except for Nicole’s intoxicating hair and VIBES.
Meanwhile, I have been challenging myself to reach out more to the gatekeepers. It is SOOO painful to try to network or have a genuine interaction with someone you admire or want to work with someday. But it is a necessary reality of the entertainment industry to put yourself out there in exposed and uncomfortable ways. I used to think auditioning was the extent of that vulnerability, but it is clear being a gentle and (hopefully) charming squeaky wheel is also another required piece of the procuring work puzzle. Particularly in today’s crowded show business landscape. (Yeah, I write using fragments, what are you, the subject and verb police?) Just know, it is BRUTAL OUT THERE, y’all.
There’s a showrunner I LOVE who also wrote a painfully raw memoir I enjoyed reading. I don’t know what got into me, but I was moved to send her a note this week. If I’m honest with myself, I have been wanting to write to her for months now to let her know what her work means to me. It never was quite the MOMENT. I impulsively shared a genuinely positive reaction on a post she made online; I was able to organically reference an audition I sent in for her project last year that I disappointingly didn’t book. It was a spur of the moment action, but I am glad I took the leap and connected with her through social media. She could not have been lovelier or more cool in her response, and I want to model her grace if I myself am ever faced with such a moment in reverse. Now, I’m an even bigger fan of hers now than before? I didn’t even know that was possible. BUT it feels SOOOOO DIFFERENT for me than that scene in THE FABLEMANS. SPOILERS BELOW!
Basically, the scene goes like this: the young and underemployed Stephen Spielberg character (the movie is autobiographical) sends a bunch of query letters to Hollywood studios asking for some kind of entry level opportunity into show business. Then, he like, BOOM, gets a meeting with JOHN FORD. FROM SOME LETTERS. Um. Ok. I do outreach and have for YEARS. Mind you, I am not consistent, and, sure my queries are GEEKY and FORGETTABLE. But, have I landed a meeting with an icon in my field or anything who imparts motivational wisdom that feeds my hungry, aching artist’s soul that spurs me on FOR AN ENTIRE MULTI-DECADE AWARD WINNING CAREER? STILL WAITING, HOLLYWOOD, I GUESS. Hey, As Of Yet Unmet Icon, you could be a rock star in my autobiographical film about your meaningful interaction with me. You might have to donate to my Seed & Spark fundraiser to get it made, but YOU WILL LOVE THAT SCENE ABOUT YOURSELF.
What is funny is I (not so secretly) started playing around with that new AI tool online called ChatGPT. I wanted to know what it was all about, and I wondered if it could produce a query letter that “cracks it.” You know those famous letters that get shared around online that elicit responses from, like, I don’t know, THE NEW YORKER where they write back with a rueful rejection all while BEGGING the person to not to stop writing because, “Kid, you’re just that good?” And it ends up being like Margaret Atwood’s seventeenth submission to them that got rejected or something, and, hahaha, she kept going and then MADE IT TO THE TOP? Well, I have never been able to CRACK it with any query! My Everest is crafting that HOLY GRAIL OF COLD CALL MISSIVES that MELTS THE COLDEST HEART OF THE TOUGHEST-SKINNED HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER TO EVER WALK ON THIS CRACKED, DRY, THIRST-RIDDEN, DUSTY, BUT ALSO WATER-LOGGED, DROUGHT RIDDEN LAND OF LA LA.
The AI letters were impressive, and more than a little scary. But I don’t think some AI query is going to soften any executive’s fortified ticker into hiring a middling (for now) journeyman actress (with a podcast!) who likes to goof around but also really wants to do prestige drama? What’s next? Get HAL 9000 to represent me?
Unlessssssss, Hal returns all my calls….
xo, Janie
The week I am writing this. It is not the week I am sending this. Time’s so cute, y’all!
When I was in college, we watched Dead Calm, and there's a point where, I think it was, Billy Zane's character blows up, and we watched that moment in frame-by-frame slo-mo, over and over. There's pyrotechnics in a model, and it lights up inside the head and you can see the flames out of the eyeholes right before the head blows up. It was hilarious.
it really is fun to read your writing. i so love all the meta-dialogue—you reminded me of a professor who used to get at me for fragments.
I'm like, "this is how people talk!!"