Commencement speeches, HACKS on Max, being free cuz 'Murrica.
Stuff on my mind this week.
Oh, man! I want to give a commencement speech on what I think men should care about! Oh, wow, I would have so much to say. I remember graduating from college. I had recently turned 21, so I was finally able to retire my fake ID. If only some out of touch millionaire had stood before me and schooled me on getting married and pregnant RIGHT AWAY, I could have had a clear path to my purpose instead of just being psyched to legally buy myself a beer
In case you missed the outrage clickbait this week (and, boy those links are hard to miss lately), this professional sports maninfant whined to a graduating class at some Catholic college and espoused less intelligence and understanding about living a full, purpose-filled life than the current Pope. He is only 28 years old, makes millions a year in a profession where you can get Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy and essentially…physically lose your mind …and also denigrated tax-paying citizens who identify within LGBQT categories.
Currently the online discourse is all about: his free speech and bravery because he supposedly spoke such truth to power versus him being out of touch and his own employers distancing from him when they are attempting to court NFL fans of all stripes. I do agree it WAS brave of him to quote his teammate’s girlfriend, Female Empowerment Icon Taylor Swift, in a speech that goes on to objectify the reproductive organs of so many women who make up over half our population. But this is a person who I suspect has to don a cup every day for his job which has evidently given him a false sense of testicle safety.
But this whole episode is upsetting to me. Not because someone who sounds like they lead a niche cult was invited to spread his own warped value system that sounds like something an unmedicated mentally ill person might yell at me when I am walking alone to my car at night with my keys sticking through my fingers. But because I, like so many of my friends and colleagues, worry about the state of men and maleness right now in American culture. Male rage in a gun soaked landscape feels menacing. To freedom. To safety. To living. Amiright?????
Our culture has already brainwashed swaths of people toward mythological beauty standards and now everyone has veneers and nose jobs that we see on our screens. But now culture is moving its sights on men and “masculinity.” We all don’t need to become cartoons! Uniqueness and individuality are valuable human traits still. Aren’t they? AREN’T THEY???!!!
I just wish people would let other people seek and fulfill their own destinies. The people I admire the most in this life, are those who have the courage to be themselves. Authenticity is SO RELAXING TO BE AROUND. The language of cults and religion is fine for those groups, but using it on a national stage feels OPPRESSIVE. Maybe your religion tells you to do ten jumping jacks every three hours. I love that for you! Jump away, little titmouse! But do not stand over me and demand that I also do ten jumping jacks every three hours or MY EXISTENCE IS MEANINGLESS IN YOUR EYES. That’s just rude.
My friend Jen sent me this series of slides about men who engage in domestic violence toward female partners she saw the week on social media.
I find this insight about men who batter not only alarming and troubling but deeply sad. The posited solution doesn’t seem to be internal seeking at ALL. It is all about external results they get from being a criminal in their own homes coupled with external punishments sought to stop it.
Uh. No. The call is coming from inside the house, MEN! Look. Inward. Why can’t we encourage men to seek WHOLENESS and not just be concerned about jail? The business and work toward seeking true internal wholeness, whatever that means to the individual, would distract them from ENDLESSLY and TIRINGLY talking about women, gay and trans bodies ad nauseam. We get it! There are hetero men out there who really think talking about people living in bodies different than theirs is some kind of service or kindness to the universe. It is not. It is oppression, stupidity, entitlement and word violence. It creeps most people out. It makes most people bummed out and it causes most well-adjusted folks to literally start distrusting random strangers at the grocery store. Do your quirky little body-obsessed religion, but keep it to yourself while also DOING SOME EMOTIONAL WORK. And also come up with some better dinner party topics or you will STOP GETTING INVITED TO THE COOL PLACES.
OK. That is enough on that. BUT. If I made four million dollars a year or whatever this complainer makes, I would not have TIME to dictate my value system to strangers!! I would be doing things, going places, probably producing socialist theatre and traveling and taking people I love to expensive restaurants!
Thank you for listening to my brain spill out into written stuff.
And, YEAH! I booked the adorable role of “Betty” on HACKS last year who LOVES a statement necklace and reinvented herself after she discovered her husband’s activities in the Ashley Madison hack as a camera-paralyzed QVC entrepreneur! This is a private little feeling I shall share here. When I first moved to Manhattan after drama school in the year 2000, one sunny morning I was walking in midtown. I walked RIGHT PAST Jean Smart on a practically empty sidewalk! I silently was thrilled at this “celebrity spotting!” And I was on my way to sign up for an Equity Open Call audition, I am certain she was on her way to the theatre for her day’s work. And can I just say how much I felt like I WAS A REAL ACTOR in that moment. Having watched, laughed and admired her on DESIGNING WOMEN and then passing her in the theater district on my way to an audition felt so THRILLING to my insides.
Then, to share the screen with Jean Smart, who is a phenomenal actress, so many years later, after countless auditions that didn’t yield any bookings, I felt a sense of joy and accomplishment. I love the series HACKS, and I value comedy being made and spread to our broken country right now.
Ya just gotta laugh! No, really. Live LAUGH and love.
Honestly? That plaque? Is the perfect, pithy commencement speech.
paragraph 3 - awesomely funny.